wow, it's really good, really enjoyed reading it, i've recently started some poetry myself, and i'm new to it so i'm sorry if i cannot offer any constructive criticism

terribly sorry, but I have still found a few points of comment. just a few sugeestions, really.

*...as the house yawns;
stretching and cracking itsfloorboards...
=> Just to make things more clear ? I don't think it damages the rythm. Oh yeah, and in that event, perhaps change the last its to his, to avoid repetition.

*blend like the moist soil
on our fingertips => ? no ? Or am I missing a point here ?

*The last stanza is pure genius ! it could almost stand as a complete poem on its own.

This is perhaps the best, and if not, certainly one of the best poems you have ever written. Apart from the comments above, there is little else I can see that could be improved. Truly impressing !

--
Rain, an act of God ? But how much rain ? At what point does the rain reach a certain level beyond which it takes the more apocalyptic mantle of the water-based punishment of the Lord ? -Bill Bailey
[link]

I loved the third through fifth stanzas the best!

This is amazing, and I too agree this is one of your very best!







--
Across the face of the Earth, her ruby cheeks shone; Winds of whisper buried seeds of rumor, made her secret well grown.

sensational man, you really caught the innocence, and pulled it out like yarn from a ball, weaving it throughout. For some reason, if this poem was a object, it would be that dancing baby from yesteryear.

I'll have to toy with a little with the house stanza. I agree with the "on" change when discussing the fingertips. Sorry for not giving you credit earlier. I quickly rectified that little mis-step.

And if anything is genius, it's your short stories! They're fantastic!

--
To twist one purest cause
Into an honest verse,
Itself, a call to angels.
The saddened lips of song that
Kiss away our innocence
From the vile mundane.
~justb

That's the beauty of poetry for me. I break from much of the structured side and let my passion unleash itself on the paper. I'll wipe around the edges and share the mud pies!

From what I've been reading, don't sell yourself short. You have a solid amount of creative talent (in such a grand amount of categories). I wish I could express myself as well with a brush as I attempt with words.

--
To twist one purest cause
Into an honest verse,
Itself, a call to angels.
The saddened lips of song that
Kiss away our innocence
From the vile mundane.
~justb

So the first and second stanza are crap, gotcha. ^.^) Thank you for the splendid and warm comment! I hope it survives the crits.

Any thoughts to what it's about?

--
To twist one purest cause
Into an honest verse,
Itself, a call to angels.
The saddened lips of song that
Kiss away our innocence
From the vile mundane.
~justb

I drew the inspiration from justb and yourself, bro. That's the only thing I can come up with for these ideas while doing materials homework.

You are crazy cool, man. Keep rockin'

--
To twist one purest cause
Into an honest verse,
Itself, a call to angels.
The saddened lips of song that
Kiss away our innocence
From the vile mundane.
~justb

No, I just liked the 3-5 stanzas the best!
The 1,2, and 6th stanzas were just as fitting and marvelous!

You're very welcome, and I don't see why not! This is very well written with excellent wording!

Yes. I saw two lovers in danger of slipping from the "reality" of their love as they both strive to rekindle their "garden."
The thrill or "happiness" just isn't there anymore in the present, so the narrator is trying to visit the past.

?That's my interpretation.

--
Across the face of the Earth, her ruby cheeks shone; Winds of whisper buried seeds of rumor, made her secret well grown.

thanks and thanks for the mentioning !

--
Rain, an act of God ? But how much rain ? At what point does the rain reach a certain level beyond which it takes the more apocalyptic mantle of the water-based punishment of the Lord ? -Bill Bailey
[link]